A year hence….

It’s exactly a year since I found myself in extreme independence and in the comfort of living on my own. About this hour, I lay on the floor surrounded by boxes; sweaty, worked up, thirsty and starving that I and my best friend explored the streets to grab a bite. I don’t remember having slept that night, I was planning the space where I’ll dwell, thinking what things I gotta buy but mostly,  I was anxious to go out and buy a pail and dipper for my mini shower, of all things.

 

Days went by, the room started to take shape and interior management begins to spawn. Meals were the difficult part since I had to live on prepared meals from fast food chains and stores around my new neighborhood. I remember having Martin over with our packed meals we ate while we sat on the floor. It took a month or more before I could retrieve my fridge from my sister and only then can I stock and prepare my own meals. Crazy constructions and fund exhaustion went on for a few months buying this and that to complete a bachelorette pad.

 

Soon enough, pasta and coffee parties came on then drinking sessions and other crazy stuff with friends for the spirit of fun; a never ending celebration of independence. My sisters would often sleepover, on weekends of all days which I dread coz they cut my party nights short.

 

The best thing about all this is I longer waste time being pushed around on the train and braving traffic to get to the office, now I just walk 12 minutes on my hi-energy mornings and 15 on sleepy slow mornings. It’s a perk to come home and find everything the way I left it, well except for the dishes I tired off to do at breakfast.

 

There sure are things I miss about living with family, I don’t quite like waking up to the chaos of my nephews pointing fingers on who should get up first, but its one of the things that may never be again, and I miss it or maybe I chose to really give it a miss.

Among many things…

I miss racing with my sister to the shower on her lazy mornings when were both running tad late.

 

I miss waking up to the smell of fried eggs and hotdogs and breakfast cooked before I wake.

 

I miss the smell of freshly ironed clothes and the sight of bubbles flooding the backyard.

 

I miss the aroma of fresh cut grass and watching dead weeds turn green in the first rainfall after the summer.

 

I miss planting with my grandma on weekends.

 

I miss building dioramas and scale models with my brother.

 

I miss strumming my guitar for my pseudo band with my sister on keyboard and  my other sis on vocals.

 

I miss sneaking out to smoke and then hurt myself entangled in vines and bruised by tree branches as I try to hide, yet letting the smoke out.

 

I miss running home to  home-cooked dinners that I can only attempt to do myself.

 

I miss strolling the malls with my nephews

 

There are many things I’ll gladly go back to but more to bury. I’m comfortable living the way I do, this is how I wanted it anyway.  I do have moments when I think back and wonder if things didn’t happen the way they did. Lately, with home visits I do for work, my mind wandered and I realized there’s still a part of me that hopes to be under the same roof with my sisters and nephews. But then again, NOOOO!

 

We are where we ought to be.

 

 

picking up the pieces

Man! I didn’t realize I’ve taken a hiatus from posting.Lots of things going on in my mind since 2009 broke. There i go listing the things I wanna do, there I am going wherever my feet leads me and here I am lamenting on the year that was and wondering if this year would be any different.

Are things where they should be?

Am I in the wrong place again?

Am I just wrong? When was I right?

Why the fuck am I whining!!!

 

Hanging out my the whole family a little more than we used to has given me the sense of acceptance I had found so hard achieve, I now know that everything fell into place after all.

We are where we should be. They are with who they are ought to be with and I’m happy I’ve come of age for this. My brother may have the penchant for the worst of the women and married for the wrong reasons then immersed himself in a whole lot of bigger trouble, but I’m just glad the worst is over. We’re moving on again and growing closer in the midst of being all apart. 

I submit to wiping the slate clean and let the scars fade into nothing, its not easy but its less hard, but I can try. I’ll bury the hatchet and pray everything turns out well. If everything fails, I guess trying will have its perks. 

On the other hand, he’s still the brother who taxes my patience and twists my mind. That is something we have to work on. It wasnt always this way between us, I guess he just need to accept that I’ve grown up and no longer the little girl he can drag and push around. No suree, but he–he has to grow up.

Here’s hoping this year will truly let everything flows nicely.

Cloud Gazing

On a lazy day in the suburbs, I treated myself to natural thrills. I spent the whole afternoon suspended on a hammock gazing at clouds moving across the open sky.
Didn’t mind the sun is way up and I can get my skin burned, its time for sunblock and dark shades to be put to good use. After all, easy days are a luxury I can’t afford on normal days, so let me bake in the sun while I swing myself trying to finish reading The Time Traveler’s Wife.

I’ve created a whole new dimension in the four corners of the rooftop, blocking external noises of neighborhood children playing in the street with Texas’ Greatest Hits Album on maximum volume. It’s just me and the sky! I would flip through pages of the book, but nothing could really get my eyes of the clear blue sky and the dabs of clouds floating like cotton in the field.

The cold air covers the sun’s heat while I lay staring at clouds forming and diffusing with every wind blow. The deeper I lock my sight into it, the more it felt like peeping into a kaleidoscope with planes and birds passing thru like bugs buzzing by. I realized I didn’t have to be on something to gaze at the sky and feel it coming toward me, I just have to be in the right position.

The sun has set, the clouds above are windswept and the blue sky have turned into a palette of different shades; purple, pink, red, yellow and orange. It’s my favorite time of day. The air has turned from cold to chilling cold so I figured I gotta move or I’ll suffer a stroke (lol). Picked up my phone and aimed at the multi-colored sky. Soon after, a smiling moon came out along with the bright northern star.

All the stars are shining, another day has ended, time for dinner.

Low Frequency in Warehouse 135

Driven Manila toned the music down last December 27th at Warehouse 135, playing minimal electro beats generated by Cyril Yarisantos and Toti Dalmacion on the decks. The turn out was a bit slow than usual, but great likewise considering the skepticism of the clubbing community towards keeping it low. The guys and I have planned to go after getting a CD flyer invite during the Trance Alliance show. Carlo, Martin, Francis and I got a guestlisting so there we were chilling out and dancing the night away. The music wasn’t as hard than what were used to but we all seem to find it pretty good. I tagged my college friend Karla, who has been under the rock for a long time and off of clubbing and party strips in Manila since working in a cruise ship. This is her longest break from work, and I found it to be an opportunity to show her how my nightlife goes. Its always a pleasure to bring friends along with my sabi group of friends, no one alienated or ever out-of-place. Saw familiar faces everywhere, not quite sure I’ve met them.

Wrapped the Warehouse nightout and headed to Makati Ave where Alden and Martin are supposedly getting the goods before hitting the road to Astoria. All their plans foiled upon discovering they wont be getting any. Carlo, Karla and I chilled out with a few bottles of beer and a turned over pizza, that is more like a Calzone at Attica, just across Club Government.
At about 4am, when nothing is clear and the alcohol is kicking as hard as it can, we decided to go our separate ways and call it another fun night in the dance floor.

Low Frequency in Warehouse 135

Driven Manila toned the music down last December 27th at Warehouse 135, playing minimal electro beats generated by Cyril Yarisantos and Toti Dalmacion on the decks. The turn out was a bit slow than usual, but great likewise considering the skepticism of the clubbing community towards keeping it low. The guys and I have planned to go after getting a CD flyer invite during the Trance Alliance show. Carlo, Martin, Francis and I got a guestlisting so there we were chilling out and dancing the night away. The music wasn’t as hard than what were used to but we all seem to find it pretty good. I tagged my college friend Karla, who has been under the rock for a long time and off of clubbing and party strips in Manila since working in a cruise ship. This is her longest break from work, and I found it to be an opportunity to show her how my nightlife goes. Its always a pleasure to bring friends along with my sabi group of friends, no one alienated or ever out-of-place. Saw familiar faces everywhere, not quite sure I’ve met them.

Wrapped the Warehouse nightout and headed to Makati Ave where Alden and Martin are supposedly getting the goods before hitting the road to Astoria. All their plans foiled upon discovering they wont be getting any. Carlo, Karla and I chilled out with a few bottles of beer and a turned over pizza, that is more like a Calzone at Attica, just across Club Government.
At about 4am, when nothing is clear and the alcohol is kicking as hard as it can, we decided to go our separate ways and call it another fun night in the dance floor.

Saguijo weekends

Have been going to Saguijo for more reasons than the music. last week, thought I’d go see Greyhoundz to shake off anxieties through slam dancing. Its a great thing NA is a rap metal junkie, who thought I’m not in on loud riffs and growling. Its acquired taste really but I’m all for it.

Last night, I dragged my best friend Edgar along to meet Ed, Jac and Eddy and see Up Dharma Down play. Armi and the band delivered a perfect set, good good music. Its a different experience watching every band play. With UDD, everyone is just quiet and bouncy, a little chorus sing along here and there, but mostly we are feeling the music and letting Armi do her magic.

It was also great to see Paramita play,its my first time to see them. Seeing a female lead singer bang the drums, i thought was a thing of the past. Looking at the girl, the thought in my heads goes like “how can she hit the right drum and hit the notes”.

the weekend aint over and there’s still a party I have to get ready for.

Taking new routes with Deep Fried

It’s been exactly a week since hitting the dance floor at Route 196 with Ed. Route 196 is an underground rock music haven like Saguijo, only it is located in Katipunan Ave in QC. For this particular night, the guitars and banging drums are taking a rest and is giving it up for Electro! 

The event is called Deep Fried, it’s bringing the new revolution in club/dance music by bringing the beats in various places and harnessing local DJs. The man behind Deep Fried is Toti Dalmacion, same guy behind Groove Nation who is responsible for the rave parties in the 90s. ( I might have mixed up my info a bit, but that’s the gist)

Two nights in a row, I went to places I should’ve known , lots of firsts last weekend. The room is pitch black, with only led lights coming from the devices and bright strobes providing a bit of light. Ed was there before me and is getting down and dirty on the dance floor. It was cool to see people dance all facing the DJs booth and not each other, its as if they are getting dance instructions. The pulsating beats has moved and drowned me so I grabbed a beer and joined Ed and the gang. Met interesting peeps like Swissy, Jim, Arthur and Armi–see you more next year.

the music went on and on with Toti Dalmacion and Cyril, but too bad I missed Arthur’s set. I’m ill equipped to describe the music but I must say its rockin! i’ll just put it parallel to the metallica of dance electro, if that even makes sense. One thing I know is that i’ll continue to attend Deep Fried events and tag more friends along and submit to being part of the new revolution.

Left the route at about 330am aboard a bug on the way to partying in zero gravity.

Underground heaven

I can’t get over being flabbergasted about the underground scene and being in a room full of straight people. Having been used to having lots of gays around me all the time sorta been the thing, and certainly, partying with the straight crowd (like myself) is like being in a new world.

my kindred spirit ed, invited me to check out Saguijo, a rockers haven my side of Makati (can you believe that?), Cynthia Alexander is playing and there’s no way I’m gonna miss out on her again. It’s been a good six years or so since I saw her play at the UP bandstand. What’s more, Kate Torralba is gonna be on as well and I effing love her style, I remember being blown away seeing her play Alanis’ Your House during the Alanis Morissette tribute concert at the Shangrila Strip in 2005 in time for the promotion of Jagged Little Pill Acoustic. I thought she was on it more for a hobby coz I’ve always known her as a designer. As it turns out, she loves music all that much and its a plus factor that she plays the songs I know and love. 

We got to the venue around 11pm, I could already hear Kate’s passionate piano keyboard playing from the gate and I just wanna jump and pop myself inside. It’s Ed’s first time to see Kate, I have put a good word about her so by then i think Ed is expecting to be blown away. Kate didn’t fail him after delivering her piano driven renditions of songs from Regina Spektor, Tori Amos and Radiohead.

One of the highlights of the night was when Kate mumbled she didn’t have a setlist and we’re welcome to make a request, like an autopilot, I yelled “Your House”, she said “What?” “that’s the Alanis song without music right? and seconds after, she was widowing the notes I suppose she arranged from 3 years back and sang it to us. Electricity flowed through me as if  like butterflies in my stomach,  and I felt Ed shaking, shivers went down his spine and were both cringing, not minding that Kate have already forgotten some words and which lines go where. I thought to myself “not even Alanis can do that song like that”. There goes the part where I wished we got there earlier to hear more of Kate’s heart in sound performance. What I like most about her playing is, she conquers the song and owns it. Its that thing you find in rock that you wont find in RnB or house music.

Once again, there I was singing along to songs from the wicked and extra talented songwriters from the golden age of alternarock 90s, in chorus with people who find relevance in these songs the way i do. Nostalgia is the word, common ground is the place, music is the language!

Kate ended her set and walked up to friends, Ed couldn’t contain his excitement and came up to Kate and thanked her for the music. She’s warm and very welcoming and just sweet. 

Cynthia Alexander took the stage next with her 2-piece acoustic ensemble, multi-instrumentalist Malou and a bongo player plus her on guitar.  She’s just how I remembered her from way way back. She opened with a song I’ve never heard and words I do not understand, but the language of music does the work so all is well.

 

Memories rained on me hearing Cynthia’s songs like Comfort in your Strangeness, Malaya, Insomnia live and straight from the lady herself. About this time, I looked around and saw and heard a whole lot of people humming along. We must be from the same generation and likely the same wavelength.

 

It’s a bit different to hear Kate sing international classic rock ditties to hear Cynthia’s renowned songs. She was never mainstream and is known only to those who dig the whole rock genre and tune in to NU107, therefore, a dot in a humongous circle. Might I add the rock crowd has evolved all too much, they are dressed to the nines as opposed to the old greasy, all black outfitters of the 90s. They are eloquent, reserved and has seemingly disposed the trash talking. Boi have we grown.

Simply sitting in a dark corner of the room listening to Cynthia and Malou gave me a natural high, so high I didn’t even complain the bar is a non-smoking room. A few notes at the start of Malaya and Insomnia ticked my eardrum and sent me to peak at the moment. I’ve heard these songs prolly a million times yet it always sounds new, fresh and continuously growing in me.

Outside, we caught up with Cynthia and Malou talking about the olden days of bandemonium and how bad the local music industry turned out over the years in the hands of who knows who.  Malou, Ed and I went deep into the  conversation discussing the fate of rock legends Eraserheads, Rivermaya=Bamboo Manalac=Rico Blanco=Perf de Castro. I cant believe I have the names and know a bit of history of those acts, more so care enough what became of them, yet I suppose I really do care.

Chilled out a bit at the outer lobby of Saguijo while Paramita(*they go by a new name now, cant remember) is playing. Kate, as I was told was getting down and dancey inside. She came out after the rocking wrapped up and caught up with friends at the next table. She invited for us and everybody for kebab in Mr. Kebab all the way in QC, which we had to refuse considering the time and distance. She let us in a little secret, an album will be out in March 2009 and i’ll be there when it hits the racks.

The whole Saguijo experience is like a drug to me, like a vice I ditched and got back to. At the same time, it’s an eye opener, I discovered I’m a true blue rakista. Now, I’m all psyched to go home and dust off my guitar and play music again. Thanks Ed for re-igniting the old fire. I had a blast!

 

Rock On!

 

 

 

roomful of mirrors

Outside the home,where the heart is, is where pieces fall into place. Every place we are immersed in is a mirror, the workplace is where you see reflections of your mind, where you look around and meet minds one way or another. Elsewhere, in the company of friends, makes you see yourself enjoying moments of fun and the comfort of being seen for who you are.

Last weekend, I had the strangest feeling just being in a room where I looked around and saw myself in everyone, listening to songs I know by heart and mind, singing words I’ve known for so long, and hearing it knowing  that people around me love it for all the same reasons I do. What have I been doing all this time, and where have I been going?

I was in the comfort of the strangeness of perfect strangers who share my passion for genuine articles of music. Every beat, every note, every key, every chord with every strum is a familiar one that only re-ignited the fire that used to burn so brightly inside me. I may have embraced the musical revolution, welcomed the infiltration of new media while somehow loathing the scene, not knowing that somewhere in a lazy street not far from where I live, is a heaven underground where the music I know and live for still thrives.

We are who we are, and we are really what we listen to.

 

Back in time

Caught up with highschool batchmates last weekend and man was it a blast! Looking at these people takes me 20 years back in time when I had no idea what and where my life leads. Among all of them, i was most delighted to see Abby and Hershelle, we grew apart in high school but did share good times in 4th grade, not without the mishaps of pre-teen dilemnas. Cashmere would have completed the pack, she’s on MIA mode. 

My good ole highschool neighbors by the New York strip, Teresa and Dan were also there. My fondest memory of Teresa was snooping into the neighborhood, ringing tons of doorbells then run and hide with her sister and a  bunch of other schoolmates living around the neighborhood. Dan on the otherhand comes to pick up Richard Lara’s notes and assignments which I got a hold of first. 

Seeing bad ass Nino Lopez sends me to sophomore year, with all the shenanigans attached to his speech impediment and the lines Sugar broke about his need to wear a girl’s underwear over his pouty, pissed off lips (hope he wont get to read this). 

This is the third big attempt to put the batch together and always, we get a poor showing of subjects. Nevertheless, nights out with people I practically grew up with, from when I was a pea never fails to excite me. 10 years gone and here we are, chatting with no ounce of indifference, keen to know what everyone have been and is up to. Highschool was like yesterday, how i wish i can get back and be a better student (not serious about this bit).

While I was busy reminiscing, Diane and Lorraine talked single motherhood and the joys of single blessedness. 

This ain’t gonna be the last of the attempts. THEY will come along (In QC that is!)