thou shall not awaken thy neighbor

It seems everytime I have a new toy,I tend to have the energy to clean my place up. Tonight,after spending a good 3 hours at UCC downloading Blackberry apps and being eaten alive trying to activate BBM,I ran to pick up my groceries and headed home.

My balcony is a mess from the last storm and seemed to be begging for some tidying.it’s also a shame to look at opposite my next door neighbor’s spotless and empty as can be balcony.before I knew it, I have two full bags of trash and scrubbing the floor clean. I kept dropping things and it rattled my neighbor.He came out rubbing his dead tired eyes, he mumbled some words, I barely heard him. All I know was he told me off and kinda said,just continue tomorrow. I was puzzled, I checked my time,it was already 2am. Only then did I understand why he took d effort to keep me from doing my stuff.but I was almost done so I did not stop.

my home work station

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

just entered BB world!

The fruit of my labor has landed on my hand. Posting this blog from my new Blackberry Bold 9780. Will check back with ya’ll when I’m done figuring out the rest of this baby’s features

The life and times of ME

It just dawned on me that not only am I romantically challenged, I am also suffering from a case of arrested development.

I found my path, I’m not sure if I walked on it. everyday feels like an eternity at work, yet reality implies that I’ve been hitting the exact same  pot hole coz I’ve only been going around in one circle and then parked at a dead-end street.

Tonight was a revelation, it’s been going on for a while. I see friends grow up and  find love, then move forward with their lives both professionally and financially while I can’t even afford to buy myself a ticket out of town. When I sit with friends from school, I usually see myself in them. But what I really see are people who are mature enough to live life as it happens but not mature enough to live life in the fullest extent of their capabilities. a batch mate once said while asking if we have any doctors or lawyers in the class, we had none but we have engineers, nurses and a slew of call center agents/supervisors.  What truly caught me was  when he quipped “i thought our batch was a class of underachievers”. Most of us finished college and earned our degrees but that don’t mean what he said ain’t true. Truth of the matter is, I am that “underachiever” at best.

What the hell do I do? I write things and manage stuff. I write things that will make brands and products and the company I work for sound and look legit. my name ain’t in any of those things. what do I get? eyebags, dark shadows under my eyes and a bad cough for staying too late in the office sniffing lacquer paint and thinner from the renovation works next door. I gotta work double time on moving on, planning and reinventing myself, I can’t be this way forever.

Was it about a few months back when I woke up sobbing, from a dream I suppose (that I can’t remember) all I remember were the words I said “I admit that I’m alone and lonely”. I was not even thinking of anything that would’ve brought that up, but I guess my subconscious has spoken. Now I’m wondering if how I can duplicate my straight male friends, coz what they are is what a girl needs in this world. sadly, there are only a few good straight men for a ton of women. Cloning should be perfected to be legalized.

Hitting the sack

In the rare and most treasured times that I get off work early, I always plan to hit the bed before Cinderella flees the castle, but here I am, blogging, wide awake and planning to start on reading Fables book 4.

Cyclic Redundancy

However I look at it, I always go straight back to putting the blame on him; his indecisions, his way of living in dreams, his naiveté view of the world around him, his unfounded superiority complex, his uncanny habit of flying and crashing, but mostly of his penchant for dim-witted and devilish women who always pulls the trigger of  failure. When I hit the rewind button, his women isn’t his wings but the ball and chain that sends him plummeting fast and hard.

I must have disowned him a dozen times. His failures disappoint me to no end that I try to pull away, only,I could not do that for sure. We’re family and the very essence of it is to stick together through the highs and lows. Sadly, I don’t think I ever felt his presence while he was at the peak of his fluke of a fortune, he only comes around after  his wife has robbed him blind of reality and emptied his bank account of money that wasn’t even entirely his to begin  with.

In all the years of my struggle to find my place, he was not there, never did he respond when I call for help and he knows his shortcomings for his poor little sister. I never got to enjoy a piece of his short luck. And while he was up there, I never could  tolerate his self-important demeanor, so I stay for a little while to be polite and just ignore him for the rest of the day. He’d go on for months at a time without a word and I wouldn’t care.

I keep thinking, this guy is not the brother I spent late nights reading books, telling stories, painting pictures and building models with. I left him lost in his little world of laser gun-toting stormtroopers and lightsaber-armed jedis, in a dimension so unreal, it could never hurt him. It’s only later when his bleeding out that he realized that Never Neverland has joined Atlantis and he has to move along.

Now, he has again hit rock bottom. If there is an award-giving body for this, he’d get a grand slam win that will later be forfeited cuz there’s no real victory in fooling yourself. He’d rise a little, forget the emotional trouble and worry he has inflicted upon us, then he’d fall a hundred fold harder and run to us for cover. The vicious cycle is just torturous. It’s just sad for we all know with whom the plague of trouble lies and he’s just much of a coward to act on it. I don’t blame him. That is just one of the pitfalls of not having parents around to run to or come back home to.

Through the trouble he is going through now, how can I manage to complain? how dare I look back at the time I was in trouble and he did not come for me? Well, that’s what little sisters do when big brother is all messed up for being too self-righteous and not listening when little sister said ‘NO!’

I met a gay

I hit the gym on Sunday night and I met a gay! about the 1000th gay guy I have met in my life. Some gals meet hot guys at the gym, me, I meet hot gays and it’s normal. welcome to my world.

ally mcbeal moments

each season, Ally McBeal goes on a frenzy right around her birthday, one of her fears was turning 30 that she was upset about celebrating her 28th, cuz it’s 2 years from 30. I’ve been having my Ally moments since I turned 25.  There’s the feeling of having to find a safe and sane career path and then the need to build tight bonds with people and worst of all, there’s the horror of occasionally catching a gray strand shining above your head while looking aimlessly in the mirror as your hands guide the toothbrush through your gums causing you to choke up. And then it hits…damn it! I’m getting old!

Another brush with a similar event happened the other week as I was combing through my email. Diane screamed at that top of her lungs “don’t move! white hair! it’s standing up!”. Right then, I lost my appetite to work. I don’t look at the mirror looking over my head anymore, even when I’m fixing it, I don’t wanna catch myself off-guard again, specially when I am a perfect example of someone who needs to grow up and think ahead about my finances, career, health deterioration and lifestyle.

It doesn’t move forward from here, cuz life itself is the stumbling block.

I don’t trust the ground I walk in

It might be because of my not so recent roadside mishap one rainy morning, but maybe not. I used to walk comfortably and without fear on whatever pavement surface, may it be pebbles, mud, cement, mossy rocks, grassy lands, rusty steel, washout  name it! I don’t fret on walking front ways or sideways on a 45 degree ramp, but not anymore. I don’t know if I don’t trust my shoes or I’m saving myself from the humility of falling on my ass for whatever slimy stuff there is on the pavement.

And just like that, I drew up a conclusion that how I choose to thread the paths I walk on is how I am towards life and work. I don’t wanna walk on the slippery slope, I might critically break my back or sprain my ankles. In my proverbial walk, I tumbled down and been rolled over, now I have lost the fondness I have for what I do, I’m not thrilled to get up and go, then I wonder where my passion slid to? when it burned down and out? why it did. Waking up with vigor to create, share and collaborate used to be the life I live and breathe. Now I just live it, I don’t breathe it.

Over salad, pasta and passion fruit cheesecake, Jan burst the bubble I have so long protected for what I thought was for my own good. I gotta run, I gotta jump the fence before I get irrevocably stuck. What she said was true to the very essence, I should not wait for the day when I don’t wanna get up and just resort to sending my farewell email. I have to show myself the door while I still see it, before the dead end sign presents itself as more than an image in my head but a revelation  staring me in the face.

I wanna be able to walk again with no fear of the pavement dragging me down, falling face down with bruises that will never heal.

Ride to the Southside

After much time spent stuck on the couch waiting for the storm to pass, we finally hit the road to Quezon. Growing up, I we had some neighbor friends who hail from Tayabas, so this is one place I know of yet never visited.

I hit the sack at sunrise so it was inevitable for me to sleep it off en route to our destination, thanks to Jacliner’s impeccable travel feature, the bus offers free Wi-Fi, making socializing on the net easy while on the way out to break free from the bustle of the city. It also gave me time to access downloading music torrents and applications for my new toy. the connection is iffy, yet how should I complain, im in a moving vehicle. I’m just enjoying the fact that I didn’t have to carry my 14” laptop when traveling.

It’s a three-hour ride to Lucena at P 209 one way fare,   a little less than an hour via jeepney, bus or van ride to Padre Burgos. Traffic on a Monday has never been such a breeze, specially if you’re not headed to work . Safe to say that chasing a getaway on a Monday holiday is not so bad at all.

 

Stana Katic: Castle season 4 promo pics

Castle is set to come back for its 4th season this September 19th, it promises to deliver the drama and comedy that propelled the show to have its legs in spite of its mother networks lack of advertising efforts. I’d say the show banks on the cast’s online presence and pure genius from the leads to supporting cast of characters.

Stana Katic for one finally earned her spot at the limelight playing the sassy, straightedge but occasionally playful detective Kate Beckett. She has played it so well that she gained a cult following and a massive fanbase, myself included. She has become my benchmark for beauty, talent, wit and personality in the realm of visual entertainment.